Project London Bridge

I just finished the latest season of The Crown and was fascinated at the cinematically portrayed opulence of the royalty. Imagine having someone just to watch the swans, monitor the glassware and guide you through the sands. But there was one thing that particularly stirred something in me, Project London Bridge – planning the funeral.

I told A about it and although I already have a book of plans, things and activities I want done during and after my death, I still asked her to set aside time so we can do my funeral planning.

But I wasn’t going to be content at just planning to plan, today’s story worthy moment is me going to the funeral parlor to look at the plans and packages they have. I went in the guise of making an inquiry for someone. Although they were in the business of death, I didn’t want to look the person who sold embalming services, caskets and hearses in the eye and say “Oh no, it’s for me. I’m the client.” I’m the one to get embalmed, lain down on the casket and ride the hearse to the tune of my chosen Billy Joel song.

So it starts with making the call, dialing the number of a bunch of strangers to pick me up from wherever I expired. I have no preference on the location of my last breath but having it outside the home is too much exposure and would logistically be a problem for A, but having it at home is too dreary for the ones I’ll leave behind. They would probably throw my bed out or donate it to charity since no one in my family would dare sleep on a death bed.

Next is the prepping, which includes the embalming and makeup. I’ve already asked A to put falsies on me and make sure my make up is on point. I also want to make sure that my own cruelty free products are used. I took great effort to use only vegan and cruelty free products while living, why would I stop doing it in death. I also want to make sure no one uses my stuff anymore. Though I’m sure again, that no one would dare.

I’ve also chosen my last outfit. It will be a Filipiniana dress made of native fabric that will scream quiet elegance. I have preference on the chapel for viewing too, it’s what Miggy used. And I’m pre-booking the flowers. No somber white petals for me, I want spring bouquets and pretty little greens. My friends would roll their eyes but since I’ve never cared for convention while alive, why should I care when I’m dead.

I have a list of the practical stuff and will leave numbers and contacts with A. She will be distraught but I’m hoping appreciative of how I tried to make it easier for her by leaving her guidelines and prioritized tasks. I don’t want to grow old and prolong meeting up with Miggy. A knows this so it’s only prudent that we prepare for the inevitable.